Last week I posted about my dislike for the song, “Smile.” When it came on in the car the other weekend, it brought up a lot about the mask I wore for so long in my career. I thought I needed it to fit in, to deliver, and to stay afloat.
Now out of the corporate world for 18+ months and far down a new career path that meets my real needs, I’m so happy that I invested in better understanding myself – and that I took that mask off.
But here’s the nuance: Sometimes, we do need to mask up. If we’re upset with someone we love, for example, we don’t let them have it with both barrels – we talk about it with a goal of mutual understanding and resolution. And at work, when pressure is high, our work deliverable is challenging, and we’ve also had a really crappy morning before we even got to the office, we nevertheless need to show up as steadfast and centering, able to get the job done in a way that makes room for everyone.
This isn’t a mask – it’s self-regulation. Here’s the difference:
👉 A mask hides.
👉 Self-regulation acknowledges the feeling, manages it with intention, and chooses how to show up.
The mask I used to wear was defensive. It came from fear I wasn’t good enough. And when defenses run the show too long, they can cause more harm than they prevent.
So, the real question isn’t whether we should “mask” or not. It’s, Am I regulating from a place of awareness and choice? Or am I defending from a place of fear?
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